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Tony Boswell

The Chicago comic has become a master of the one liner, here's a few gems:

For his birthday, I gave my brother an Indian... but I had to take it back.

I have an inferiority complex... but it's not a very good one.
Jon Lovitz

In his brilliant new one-man show at the Laugh Factory in LA:

"I saw Bob Dole in a commercial for Viagra, talking about his erectile dysfunction...Hello, I'm EATING!?!!!...Cold spaghetti."
Tony Rock

At the L.A. Laugh Factory:

"When you're a minority and you're poor, you've got a million excuses to come up with and pass them along. But when you're white trash, you must be really down. Because your people control everything in society, and you still wound up in a trailer park!
Dennis Miller

Offering up an example of one of his all-time favorite jokes during the profile for this site:

"They say a football player with a groin injury is going to face minor surgery. But any time you've got a sharp object pointing at my crotch, I'm thinking it's major."
Al Qaeda The top terrorist network released a hip new magazine for Islamic teenagers, named The Tip of the Camel's Hump. The magazine is designed to recruit teenage boys into becoming Iraqi insurgents and suicide bombers, but research groups have already indicated the magazine would be more successful if it were renamed The Tip of the Camel Toe.
Samuel Alderson Slammin' Sammy, creator of that greatest of American inventions, the Crash Test Dummy, passed away this month at the overly ripe age of 90. After a touching private memorial service attended by friends and family, Samuel's final request was honored as he was dressed in his finest suit then sealed into a tasteful bronze casket -- which was subsequently whipped into a brick wall at 87 miles per hour.
Corey Feldman The former child star appeared on 20/20, admitting that his friendship with Michael Jackson might have adversely affected his career.  However, he refused to apologize for the damaging effect of the seven films he made with Corey Haim.
The Ten Commandments

The venerable Deca-Sentence, which, if we remember our Bible study correctly, God Himself gave to Charlton Heston, has made the Default list this month after finding its merits argued before the US Supreme Court. Here's hoping the highest court in the land creates an Eleventh Commandment for the Christian Right: Thou shalt not waste our fucking time arguing obviously unconstitutional ideas.
Diane Clements Ms. Clements, chief boob and official talking head of the Houston-based Justice For All Victims group, reacted bitterly when she heard that the Supreme Court decided to reject the legal doctrines of Torquemada and Hitler by outlawing the death penalty for juveniles. "[They] have opened the door for more innocent people to suffer at the hands of 16 and 17 year-olds." Boy she apparently knows some bad assed high school kids…She is also pissed off that America's top court is too concerned with "what Europeans believe." It has been a tough couple of years for Death Penalty enthusiasts, with the Supremos outlawing killing retards a few years ago and now children…Well Diane can comfort herself in the knowledge that there are still countries where "True American Beliefs" are respected and kids and 'tards routinely face the noose. Like Iran for instance…
Michael Jackson

His child molestation trial was postponed at least a week due to his hospitalization for a mystery illness... It's called pedophilia.
Gary Brolsma Gary gained international notoriety as the inventor of the spastic "Numa Numa" dance, a favorite download of the 17 people who aren't using the internet to look at pornography. Sadly he's become a severely depressed recluse, refusing to leave his parents' basement (as if that was ever really likely in the first place) because he is humiliated by his newfound fame. This truly is a classic Postmodern dilemma; the inability of American citizens to distinguish between fame and infamy until after they've become a national joke. Simple formula Gary:

Becoming Well Known For Actually Accomplishing
Something = Fame.

Acting Like An Asshole Until you Get Attention For It = Infamy.