Citizen Kinky (Cont.)
Danny Gallagher
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A_P: It's funny that you said the governor doesn't have much control. So why choose to run for governor? Why not run for the House or the Senate where you can take control of these things?

KF: Because it's not a political campaign. What the governor could be doing and should be doing and can't do apparently is inspire the people of Texas. That's what I'm saying. JFK's best contribution was not legislation, it was inspiring young people, millions of us, to join the Peace Corps who started thinking about America, thinking about the value of working for 11 cents an hour in some jungle in Borneo. That's what JFK did that LBJ was unable to do. That's what our elected leaders are not doing in Texas right now, and that's what I think I can do.

A_P: During your announcement, you talked about the "wussification" of Texas. What does that mean?

KF: Texas is the last stand against wussification. Wussification is people who are afraid to say Merry Christmas -- which happened to a lot of people this past year. As a Jew, it was doubly bad with me when people would say Merry Christmas, then would go, 'Oh my God Kinky, I'm sorry, I forgot you’re Jewish." It's political correctness gone awry. What it's done is stifle free thought and the independent spirit.

So I would want to bring back prayer in public schools. What's wrong with a kid in believing in something? Under anti-wussification goes the cowboy. The word has been changed, when someone says cowboy, they means "bully" now. A cowboy has never been a bully. He's always stood up for the little people, he's a knight born out of time. The cowboy is beloved by the children of the world, so I would be standing up for the cowboy as one of my personal heroes and I would fight this wussification if I have to do it one wuss at a time -- and that includes cigar smoking and cigarette smoking and smoking anything anytime.

A_P: I know you had to give up your Texas Monthly column. Was that hard to do?

KF: Yeah , it was my only job. Now I'm unemployed, so if I'm elected governor, another perk will be that we'll have one less homeless person on the street.

A_P: I know it's too early to talk about your opposition. But do you feel you have enough support to overcome those candidates?

KF: I don't know how many supporters I have, but they all carry guns. I think there's been a real ground swell already and it's all across the board. I'm talking wealthy Republicans, young Democrats, young people. I want to get a lot of retired people back into action through the Texas Peace Corps and back into the public schools, so all these programs that have been stripped away can come back on a voluntary basis.

A_P: If there's one thing you hope to accomplish with your campaign whether you win or lose, what would that be?

KF: I'd certainly like to see that the criminal justice system is fixed. I've said this before but 2,000 years ago, we killed an innocent man. We executed Jesus Christ and the question that I ask is, “What have we learned in 2,000 years?” I think the people have learned something, but I don't think the governments have learned a thing.

They got very close to executing a man named Max Soffar, the man I interviewed on death row. Now after 23 years in solitary on death row, they've realized there might be a mistake here. Now Kinky Friedman and the [5th Circuit Court of Appeals] have agreed there was a mistake. But the governor's office and the Harris County District Attorney Chuck Rosenthal still refuse to admit it. The system cannot admit a mistake even after 23 years. You make a mistake, I make a mistake. If we admit it and learn from it, we grow. That's what Wavy Gravy said, "Mistakes are what makes us" and you won't hear Rick Perry quoting Wavy Gravy. And believe me, they almost killed Max Soffar and there's others there and I'm sure we've killed innocent people. I do not agree with George W. on that. That doesn't mean I'm anti-death penalty, I'm anti-the-wrong-guy-getting-executed.

A_P: Are there any issues Texans should be focusing on?

KF: We should be focusing big time on biodiesel to get every truck and bus in Texas running on biodiesel. Ten years from now, gas will be a dollar a drop the way it's going, and we can't let Saudia Arabia play the jukebox. We were number one in oil and gas exploration, I want to make us number one on biodiesel fuel.

A_P: Have you gotten any support from Republicans and Democrats on the state or the federal level?

KF: I think [former Texas Governor] Ann Richards has come close to endorsing us. At this point, when you're not on the ballot and it's 18 months out, I think it would be risky for people to make an endorsement like that. I think when you're on the ballot, all that will come. Meanwhile, I'm speaking to all kinds of Republican women's clubs and the Pachyderm Club of Galveston and the Democratic groups, and we've gotten more requests than we can handle for those. So all that's looking great; they're jumping ship real early.

A_P: Do you feel like even though this campaign is technically running in Texas that you're also running for change across the nation in politics and government?

KF: Texas has always been bigger than its borders. If you talk to children in the jungles of Borneo or little kids in Vietnam, they'll tell you the same thing: that Texas is the first thing they're interested in in America. So yes, but in the meantime, we want to realize our own dream, the Texas dream. And I will say any Texan anywhere in the world should know you are my special interest group. That's the only one that I have, my fellow Texan in my heart. Any governor who's only influenced by his fellow Texan in his heart has done a pretty damn good job because he'll know how to ride, shoot straight and tell the truth.

Danny Gallagher (www.dannygallagher.net) is a freelance writer and reporter living in Texas where yellow roses would grow in his backyard if he had one.