Queer Eye for the Bush Guy
David Martin
(Email to a Friend)
 

Q:  Which celebrity would you most like to makeover, and why?

A:  George Bush. His taste is a little too Republican. Far too many black suits and red ties.

-- Carson Kressley - Fashion Expert, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

Given George W. Bush’s recent troubles, the Republican National Committee has engaged the services of the elite team of gay men from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. The self-described Fab 5 have put their heads together to give the President a much-needed makeover:

Kyan Douglas (Grooming Guru)

Wassup with those eyebrows?  I know the man’s name is Bush but let’s at least trim the foliage.  And that hair!  How about some straightener and a nice clean mustache?  Reading glasses on a chain around the neck give a nice intellectual touch.  At least it will give the impression that the man reads.

Ted Allen (Food and Wine Connoisseur)

Enough with the pork rinds already!  I know he can afford sushi so why doesn’t he buy it?  And as for wine, Texas plonk just won’t cut it anymore.  It’s time to give the French a break and lay down a few nice Bordeaux in The White House wine cellar. 

Carson Kressley (Fashion Savant)

Whoa!  Where to start?  The all-jeans casual look is so outré it’s almost in.  Maybe he could cut off the sleeves, wear a small gold chain and try some clogs.  It’s an outfit that says “I’m everybody’s President.”  As for more formal wear, a navy blue pinstripe suit and matching tie just screams fiscal responsibility.

Jai Rodriguez (Culture Vulture)

First thing: ditch the Marriage Amendment to the Constitution.  That’s so Republican.  Next, one word: books.  He doesn’t have to read.  But he does have to own some.  And not just Zane Grey westerns and the Bible.  I suggest a leather bound set of the great works of western literature.

Thom Filicia (Design Doctor)

Why The White House?  Why not The Beige House or The Puce House?  There are so many rooms and so many possibilities.  I’d love to put multilateral stripes in the Oval Office.  And it’s about time the Lincoln Bedroom had the flamboyant decor that Abe would have loved.